so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
