hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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