I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
