For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
