It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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