I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
