hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
