I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
