i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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