Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize