Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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