why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize