just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
