The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
