she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
