I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
