2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
