called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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