we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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