A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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