remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
