Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
