got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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