i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
