the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize