My first STD was from a foam party
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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