a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
