I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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