He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
