I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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