i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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