He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize