Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
