cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
