Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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