In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
