they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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