in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
