Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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