And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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