he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
