I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
