I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
