Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
