She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
