she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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