Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he thought i was a dude.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
