My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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