I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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