just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
