I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
