a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
