wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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