just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
