Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
