I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
