I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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