The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
