Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
