she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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