Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
