I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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