Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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