the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
