I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
